Mass Effect: Hope From Above
by nothinginreturn
Summary: Haunted by his dreams, Commander Shepard and his assembled team are now in a race against time to stop the Collectors. But upon meeting one recruit who'd lived in his memories for almost twenty years, Shepard's entire existance is turned upside down by the truth about who he really is. Jack/Shepard. ME-2 AU. Future M.
1. Chapter 1

Sweat trickled down Shepard's toned physique as he sat up in bed, desperately trying to get his breathing under control as the faint glow of the fish tank in his cabin on the Normandy SR2 coloured the darkened room. He sighed as he wiped at his brow, turning to plant his feet on the cold floor from the bed.

"Are you feeling unwell, Commander Shepard?" EDI's voice emerged from somewhere around him. "Your current readings indicate-"

"I'm fine, EDI." Shepard pushed himself off the bed. "You don't have to be concerned."

"It is not a matter of being concerned, Commander. It is-"

"EDI. I'm good. Please." He walked to the bathroom, not bothering to reach for the shirt or boxers that were carelessly left on the floor. That was a new development. During his time in the Alliance, he'd have never dreamed of leaving such a mess. But he wasn't in the Alliance any more.

"Very well, Commander. Logging you out."

Shepard stepped into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, feeling the cool water through his fingers. He paused before turning the tap off and instead stepping under the shower, waiting for a moment before the cool water sprayed over him. It only lasted a few seconds before it warmed up, the heat bringing immense satisfaction to his aching muscles.

The dreams that disturbed his sleep weren't new. They'd been with John now for as long as he could remember. From before his cut short career in the Alliance. From before his heroic actions on Elysium. From before his life on Trident with the Shepard's, his adopted parents. And that's where his memories ended. Shepard could not remember the first ten years of his life. The agency that he'd been with had no information. He'd simply been found on the streets, confused, beaten and bloody without any memories of who he was or where he'd been. A call for information led to no answers in the search to try and find his abusers. For John, his life began with Raymond and Fiona Shepard. He'd long given up his search for any more answers.

Yet the fractured visions he saw in his mind kept coming back. It had been years since he dreamed of the place that he seemingly knew, the face that almost haunted him every night for a time. After the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime left him with horrific images that led him to bring down Saren, the Geth and Sovereign, the dreams returned. They were always the same. _Running. Screaming. Gunfire. Blood. So much blood. Men in uniform, begging for their lives. The girl. Her rage._

Ever since he'd been brought back by Cerberus, they were more constant, more vivid than ever before. He considered approaching Miranda Lawson, head of the Lazarus Project, but what would he say?

 _So, Miranda, you know when you put me back together? Did you accidently slice something important that makes these nightmares return on a more regular bases? If so, can you do me a favour and fix that please?_

The truth was that he didn't want the Cerberus operative two floors below him to know. He didn't want his pilot, Jeff Moreau, the man who had flown him into a treasonous act against the Council, to know. He didn't want Garrus Vakarian, the Turian who had stood by his side for months as they battled across the universe to stop Sovereign, to know.

This was his curse to bare. And while it was interfering with his sleeping patterns, he could still do his job. And the job at hand was going well.

The Normandy SR2 was on it's way to the 'Purgatory', a maximum security prison starship located in the Hourglass Nebula. There they would pick up a convict, only known as 'Jack', a supposed powerful biotic that the Illusive Man, Cerberus' head honcho, personally recommended for the mission. After giving them the leads to find Garrus on Omega, as well as Dr. Mordin Solus, who was already proving his worth in the science lab on board the Normandy, Shepard was willing to bet that Jack would be a strong asset too. While he wasn't exactly feeling comfortable with being on a Cerberus ship, with their crew and being personally resurrected by them, he'd moved on from wanting to shoot Miranda and Jacob squarely in the face after they'd revealed their true identities. After all, Shepard had run into, and shut down (usually by force) a large group of Cerberus strongholds during his fight against Saren.

Shepard leaned against the wall as the hot water trickled down his back. He'd accepted this body. It was basically the same. After the new Normandy had been presented to him at the Minuteman station (just after he ordered the Cerberus insignias painted on the side to be covered), he finally came down with a crash as soon as he was alone in his cabin. He'd stripped off the attire that Cerberus had given to him, rushing to the mirror in the bathroom to take a good look at himself. The colour of his eyes, the shape of his nose, the abs that he'd worked so hard to achieve, even down to the size of his penis and the slight slant of his big toe on his right foot. It was all the same, it was all him, except it actually wasn't. The only thing that hadn't been returned to him during the reconstruction was the small scar that used to run mere millimetres above his left eyebrow. It had been there since before he had known himself, and now like those memories, it was long gone. Shepard had a million and one questions for Miranda on the process, but as of yet, he had yet to find the confidence he needed to truly tackle what had happened to him.

He reached for the controls and turned off the shower. Grabbing a towel, he quickly patted himself dry and wrapped it around his waist. He stepped back into his cabin and checked the time. It was 6.21am. The Normandy was due to dock with Purgatory just after 10am. It would be a simple pick-up on their way to the Citadel, where they were due to meet with David Anderson, now Humanity's Councillor on the Citadel. They had only exchanged messages up to this point, with Anderson urging for Shepard's return to meet them in person. Once Shepard had sorted out the assurances that he wouldn't in fact be arrested and his new ship impounded, he'd agreed to meet his old Captain in the embassies of the Citadel. Truthfully, it was where neither wanted to be, but they both had their own missions and circumstances to adhere to.

"EDI?"

The AI's voice returned immediately. It was something he was still getting used to. "Yes, Commander?"

"Is Garrus awake?"

"No, Commander. Do you wish for me to wake him?"

Shepard shook his head. "No. Knowing him, he'll be up soon. Just let me know when he is."

"Very well, Commander. Operative Lawson is at her station if you wish to discuss your elevated stress levels with her."

"No, EDI." Shepard gritted his teeth. "That'll be all."

"Yes, Commander. Logging you out."

 _Of course Miranda knows. EDI knows, which means she knows, which means the Illusive Man knows. There's no escaping the chain of command, and EDI has all of her, it's, eyes on me._

"Commander, Garrus is awake."

Shepard frowned. "Did you wake him, EDI?"

"No. You told me not to."

"So it's just a coincidence?"

"Yes, Commander."

Shepard shook his head. _Why do I have a hard time believing that?_ Choosing not to reply further and with EDI seemingly getting the hint that the conversation was over, Shepard walked towards his draws to get dressed. Even though he wouldn't need his usual team of three with him simply to pick up Jack, he wanted Garrus to accompany him and Miranda (who as the highest ranking Cerberus officer on board needed to be there to process the transfer) as a precautionary method. While he was sure nothing was bound to go awry, in their time working together they'd already lost track of the times when something supposedly simple, was actually anything but.

 _For once it'd be nice if something went smoothly. Lets break the habit of a lifetime today, eh?_

* * *

 _Okay. I cursed this. My bad._

Shepard shot a glance towards Garrus as they ducked down into cover on the Purgatory prison ship. After meeting Warden Kuril, Shepard had immediately been suspicious of the Turian, due in part to the demand for Shepard's weapons. Obviously, Shepard had disagreed with the request much to the Warden's chagrin. Shepard slyly sent off a message to Joker as they were taken on a mini tour of the facilities, ordering the pilot to disengage from the prison ship until he'd heard back from him. If he hadn't heard back within the hour, something had clearly gone awry. Moments later, Kuril had excused himself and made his departure. _Here we go. He knows that we know something isn't right here._

Out-processing was where Shepard, Miranda and Garrus found themselves though it certainly looked like anything but the area they needed to be in. A lone tech pointed to a large door at the end of the room, but Shepard simply raised an eyebrow and stood firmly in place.

"And Jack is through there, correct?"

The tech was clearly nervous. "Yes, yes. Just through the door." He twitched as he looked down at Shepard's pistol, still attached to his armour down by his side.

"You want to try that one again?"

The tech yelped and sprinted away from the room as sirens began to blare. As they ducked into cover due to the Blue Sun troops that were now sprinting in their direction, Garrus' look said all that Shepard needed to know.

 _Just one day it'll be simple, right?_

Shepard simply offered up a shrug and went right to work, unleashing a biotic barrage that the mercs simply couldn't stand up to. Add in Garrus' precision accuracy with his sniper rifle and Miranda supplementing with biotics of her own, the three quickly made their way through the forces and found their way into the control room where the tech from before was hiding behind a display.

"Please! Don't hurt me!"

Shepard didn't collapse his weapon as he stepped into the room with the door closing quickly behind Miranda and Garrus. "Hasn't gone quite to plan, has it?"

"I'm not a part of this! I didn't want anything to do with locking you up."

"How convenient," Shepard motioned to the cryo controls, where Jack was located as per Kuril's earlier information. "You going to do this, or do I have to put two in your kneecaps?"

The tech quickly shook his head. "I don't have authorization. All I can do is-" He quickly paused, but Shepard pounced on his words.

"All you can do is what?"

The man was clearly desperate. His eyes were pleading with them. "Open it all. Everything, all the doors. All the prisoners would be free! It'd be a disaster."

"The way I see it," Shepard stepped closer to the man. "Is you do that, or I kill you and hope to find someone else who can. I'm not leaving here without what we paid for, you got me? This place can go to hell for all I care, and Kuril with it." Shepard aimed his pistol at the tech's head.

"No! Please!" The tech pleaded. "I'll do it, okay, I'll do it!" He rushed to his feet and slid round to the front of the console. Shepard could see the sweat dripping off the man's forehead. He began to type, Shepard keeping a watchful eye on what he was doing.

Below them, lights began to turn red. While the cryo release command had been initiated, so too had the LOKI mech's that were standing guard.

 _Oh for fucks sake._

The tech made a run for the door. Shepard rolled his eyes and shot him once in the leg, the man quickly falling down with a howl of pain. "You brought that on yourself." Shepard's eyes were brought back to what looked like a cryo facility of some kind rising from the floor. A woman was attached to a series of constraints. Her shaved head now glistened under the light, with what looked like hundred of tattoos covering her naked torso. The mech's simply stopped in front of her as the prisoner's eyes began to flutter, opening tentatively as she took in the world around her. Shepard stared at her face, feeling as if he was imposing by looking anywhere else.

 _Wait, it can't be. Those eyes. She's older, but it's..._

 ** _Blood. So much blood. He's begging me to kill him, before she can. She's faster, he doesn't get his request fulfilled. I'm following. Where are we going? She doesn't care. She's going through everyone she can. A guard comes for her from the right, I get there first. His head disappears. Did I do that?_ **

John blinked as he pulled himself free from the images inside his head. The woman, Jack, was staring directly at him.

"Shepard?" Miranda stepped closer to the window to take in the scene. Suddenly, Jack's head diverted from them and instead to the mech's that were facing her. She growled, ripping the restraints away from her and launched herself free as her biotics came to life. The ground rocked Shepard as she disappeared from view somewhere under them.

"Shit!" Shepard cursed as he ran to the door and past the tech who was now whimpering in the corner. "Lets get after her."

"Am I the only one who thought that Jack would be a he?" Garrus asked as he followed.

Shepard didn't have time to think. He had to find her, to stop her from getting away.

Because she was the one he'd been dreaming about for all these years.

* * *

Jack felt the energy pulse throughout her, the skin smashing off her fists as she put another guard down. It was freedom, and goddamn had she missed it. She was certainly making up for lost time now.

She dove into another room. A set of prisoners were there, a dead guard laying at their feet. They'd beaten him to death.

"What the-" One of the prisoners stared at her.

"The fuck you looking at?" Jack spat back, but didn't attack as of yet.

"Damn girl, you got a tight little bod on you dont'cha?" An older man licked his lips. "Give us a spin. Let us see that ass." He laughed and began to rub himself just below his waist.

Hatred filled Jack's veins but before she attacked, she looked down at herself for the first time, following their eyes. She was completely naked. That's why they were staring.

Jack snorted. "Enjoy that feeling while you can, fucker. It'll be the last time your blood is anywhere but the floor." She launched herself at them and tore through the group before they could even react. While it took three of them to beat one guard to death, it only took seconds before she walked away from their corpses. She stopped at what looked to be another guard. He was clearly off duty, either soon to be starting or leaving, due to the civilian attire that he was wearing before he jumped into the fray and quickly died at the hands of the riot. She stripped him of his jeans and pulled them on. They were baggy, so she tore them at the knees, turning them into makeshift shorts. The belt just about kept them from falling back to the floor. His hooded jacket was about three sizes to big, but still Jack pulled it on and zipped it up. The boots were way too big for her, so she ran off barefoot.

"Where the fuck do they keep the goddamn shuttles?" She wasn't a great pilot, but as the prison ship was seemingly going down in flames, Jack would have to improvise. But on the way, she was certainly hoping to run into the Warden too. She certainly owed him one.

* * *

"Commander?"

No answer.

"Shepard?"

Still no answer.

"John?"

Shepard finally blinked. Garrus was staring at him, concern evident from the Turian. Miranda too looked to be making frantic notes internally on the situation. He caught sight of the dead Turian at his feet. It was Warden Kuril. "What happened?"

"You rushed him when he fell from the platform, Commander." Miranda explained it back to him as calmly as she could. "You grabbed Kuril by the throat and lifted him into the air. You shouted 'Who is she?' over and over until you choked him to death."

"I.. don't-" Shepard licked his lips. "We need to find Jack."

"Wait a minute, Shepard." Garrus reached for his arm. "What was that? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just want to get this done, okay?" Miranda and Garrus shared a look which Shepard caught. "You want to do some sort of analysis, Lawson? Fine, you get that when we're back. But this ship is going down in flames. We either get out of here, or die here, your choice."

Miranda nodded. "Very well, Commander." He knew that Miranda would follow up on the subject. After what he'd been told, Shepard had to admit, it'd probably be a good idea.

 _Find her._

Shepard set off in a run from Kuril's body, alerting Joker to bring the Normandy back to the docking area. He was hopeful that Jack was already on her way to the area, or if not, she'd see the ship and consider it an exit strategy and make her way towards it. Joker had informed the ground team that no shuttles or escape pods had been launched thus far from the prison station. Of course other prisoners and not just Jack might also notice the Normandy. It wasn't going to be easy. _But when is it ever?_

They caught sight of her just ahead, nearing the docking bay. Whether she was already going there, or making her way towards the Normandy, Shepard didn't know or even care at this point. All that mattered was that they were just behind.

Shepard rounded the corner, his pistol raised. A guard fell from a biotic throw in front of Jack, but behind her, another guard got back to his feet with his rifle raised. Shepard shot once, a clean shot directly through the back of his head as he fell to the floor. Jack spun around to the sound, but stopped as she saw who had fired the shot.

"You got me out. I saw you. Who are you?" Jack was hardly out of breath considering what she'd been through, now wearing a hooded top and some type of ripped jeans. The look on her face demanded answers.

Shepard approached her slowly, his pistol down by his side. "My name is Commander Shepard. I'm here to get you out of here." _Who are you?_

"Yeah?" Jack snorted. "Shit, must be my lucky day then. What earned this show of kindness?"

"I'm on a critical mission and I need your help. If you're willing to hear me out, we can talk about this on my ship." _Why do I know you?_

"You show up in some type of warship-" Jack pointed at Miranda. "With some sort of catwalk porn-vid hybrid and want to whisk me anyway somewhere? How about some straight fucking answers?"

Shepard gritted his teeth, he could feel the scowl on Miranda's face. "This ship is going down in flames. There's no time for this." _Where are you from?_

Jack laughed and stepped forward towards him. The action caught Shepard off guard. "Time is all I've got left, so why don't you-" She stopped abruptly, all signs of gallows humour now written from her face. Jack starred at him. "I.." Her voice caught in her throat. "It's.. no." She shook her head. "No." Jack stepped back, her hands pushing at her head. "You're not him. He had-" She ran her hand mindlessly above her eyebrow.

Shepard followed the motions. His heart began to beat faster, his voice trembeling slightly. "A scar." Shepard spoke faintly as he got the words free. Jack's eyes returned to him immediately. He motioned to just above his eye. "A scar. Right here."

"Commander?" Miranda asked, clearly confused by what was happening. "Commander, we have to get to the Normandy."

Shepard stared at Jack, the woman staring back at him in equal measure. "What happened to it?" Jack mindlessly reached out for the position where the scar on Shepard's forehead used to be. He didn't pull away from the action.

The honesty flowed from him. "I died when my previous ship was attacked. I was rebuilt by an organisation called Cerberus. When-"

Jack's eyes widened as she lept back. "You motherfuckers! You fucking cocksuckers!" Biotic energy flew through her and crashed into Shepard, the SPECTRE flying backwards into one of the space station walls as he was caught completely off guard from the shockwave. "How dare you!" Jack screamed at the top of her lungs.

Shepard could hear Garrus and Miranda's yells as his vision rocked and shook, the darkness flowing though him as everything was torn away from his consciousness. As Shepard's eyes closed, he heard her voice once more, seeing her face again as she came to him in another dream.

 ** _Stay with me. We're getting out of here, scar. Just you and me._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**She screamed for hours. It didn't stop, even after her throat was red raw, her eyes matching in colour from the tears that streamed down her face. Eventually no sound emerged, but it didn't make her stop shouting. If anything, she screamed more, hoping for her voice to return. It was all she had for company. Her fists bled as she pounded on the glass, wanting, no, demanding attention from those who didn't even bat an eyelid in her direction. They ignored her, letting her rot, alone, helpless inside her prison cell.**_

 _ **Subject Zero had no measurement of time. She did not know how long she had been there or even how old she was at this point. They would come for her multiple times a day. She would be beaten, prodded, cut, thrown, screamed at and tortured until she cried so hard that her eyes couldn't even see straight. All she saw was colours and rage as they pitted her against another, a battle to the death.  
**_

 _ **There were no off days. No time when peace reigned. Nothing to look forward to. No hope to hold onto. No hope.  
**_

 _ **Until one special day. The day that he appeared from above.**_

 _ **The day that he said everything would be okay.**_

* * *

"Jo-n. Ca- y-u her- - -ohn?"

Shepard's eyes opened tentatively as sound started to return to his eardrums. He blinked twice as he looked up at Garrus Vakarian staring down at him, the worry clear on his face.

"Spirits. You scared me, Shepard." Garrus held a hand down which Shepard grasped firmly. As he was pulled to his feet, he immediately felt the pain in his ribs. It felt like he'd been run over by a pack of fifty rabid varren.

Shepard took in a few deep breaths. They were still on the Purgatory, clearly he hadn't been out for long. _Probably have those implants to thank for that._

 _Wait, where is-_ Shepard's heart caught in his throat as he saw the woman on the floor. Miranda was aiming her pistol squarely at her, the prisoner not moving a muscle. "Wait!"

Miranda snapped her head away from Jack. "Shepard. Are you okay?"

Shepard hobbled over to Miranda and the body. As he got closer, he could see that Jack was still breathing. She'd been knocked out, not put down permanently. "What happened?"

"Concusive blast knocked her cold." Miranda shook her head. "We need to get out of here. Leave her behind. She's clearly psychotic. I'll inform the Illusive Man she fell during our attempted escape."

"What happened with the two of you, Shepard?" Garrus asked. Shepard could see Miranda waiting for an answer. Her interest was immediately peaked from the Turians question. "It's as if you recognized each other?"

"I-" Shepard paused. _If we go back to the Normandy, the eyes and ears will surround us. There'll be no answers, no privacy, no chance to understand or get answers without them know. Is the alternative worth it?_

 _It has to be done. Damn the consequences._ "Garrus. Do you trust me?"

"Of course, Shepard. Always." Garrus' answer was firm. Shepard couldn't ask for a more loyal friend.

 _Thank you. I need this._ "Good." Shepard pulled out his pistol and aimed it squarely at Miranda Lawson.

Her eyes widened as she found herself under Shepard's target. "What the bloody hell are you doing, Shepard?"

"What I have to." He didn't remove his eyes from the operative. Shepard didn't want to shoot her, but he would if he had to. "Garrus. Contact Joker. Tell him to disengage and send Jacob across with the shuttle."

"I- yes, Shepard." Shepard could tell Garrus clearly had more than one question for him, but he was loyal enough to do what his friend had asked.

"Damn it, Vakarian!" Miranda gritted her teeth. "Shepard needs our help. Clearly, the mission has-"

"I appreciate what you've done for me, Miranda." Shepard spoke honestly as he interrupted her. "But I won't hesitate to shoot you if you don't quiet down. And for someone who knows me so well, you know that I'm telling you the truth."

"Message away, Shepard." A slight rock of the station told Shepard that Joker was following through on his request. "What's going on? Talk to me, John."

"I need to talk to Jack in private. That's not possible on the Normandy. Not with EDI listening. I'm going to take her and the shuttle."

"Ah, John, I.."

"Please, Garrus. I need this. Just like you needed Saleon. Give me this time."

Garrus nodded as he remembered what Shepard had done for him in hunting down Dr. Saleon. _Everything_ he'd done for him in fact. "Very well, Shepard. What about her?"

Shepard's eyes still hadn't left the Cerberus operative. He could sense the cogs turning in her head, trying to figure out her next move. "I don't doubt that you'll try and track me, Miranda. I respectfully ask that you don't."

"You ask for respect, yet you hold me at gunpoint?" Miranda scoffed.

"That's true. Maybe I could have planned this better." Shepard saw the shuttle approaching out the corner of his eye. "I give you my word, I will return to the Normandy. This isn't me abandoning ship. I will see through our mission."

"And what do you want me to say to the Illusive Man? What shall I say that'll convince him not to pull the plug on this madness?"

"Tell him the truth. Tell him I've gone mad if that's what you believe. It's entirely up to you, Miranda. When I'm back, I'll talk to him myself if that's what's needed. Once I have answers, he can have them too."

Miranda felt like screaming. "Answers about what, Shepard! Make me understand why you're doing such a thing."

"Answers about Jack." He motioned to Jack. He felt another slight shudder as the shuttle connected with the prison ship. "And why I know her."

"You.. what?" The confusion was evident on Miranda's normally emotion free features.

 _Maybe I am going mad?_

"Shuttle's here, Commander, I'm-" Jacob walked into view and suddenly stopped at the scene that he'd come across. "What is-"

"Over here please, Jacob. No sudden movements." Shepard watched as Jacob approached Miranda carefully. He was showing no signs of doing anything but what Shepard had asked for. But as both were biotics, Shepard had to be careful. "Please take Jack onto the shuttle, Garrus."

"Very well, Shepard." Garrus knelt down and carefully picked up the biotic. She was still out cold from his blast. He carried her out of sight.

"I know you don't understand what I'm doing, Miranda. I wish I had a real answer for you. But I need to do this, even if you'll never understand why." Garrus returned to the party after putting Jack on the shuttle. "I will be back. I swear." Shepard's voice turned cold. "I'm trusting you, even if right now, the feeling isn't mutual. But if anything happens to Garrus, Karin or Jeff while I'm gone, I'll kill you myself. Are we clear?"

Miranda's steely gaze met his own. "Crystal, Shepard."

"I'm sorry for putting you in this position, Garrus. When I'm back, I'll tell you everything I can."

Garrus simply nodded. "Do what you have to do, John. Don't worry about me."

Shepard hated to leave Garrus, to leave Chakwas and Joker with Cerberus. They'd be angry, confused, baffled at his decision. But he hoped, if anything, they'd trust that he'd return. Because if they didn't, Shepard might have made a critical error. "I'll be back soon." Shepard slowly backed away from the group. "I promise." He turned and jogged off the ship and onto the shuttle.

"Vakarian!" Miranda yelled. "You can't let him do this. Shepard's lost his bloody mind!"

"I don't think he has." Garrus shook his head. "Whatever his reasons, I know he's doing this for the right reason." The ship shook once more as the shuttle disengaged. "Even if I have no idea what they might be."

Jacob stared between them. "Can someone tell me what just happened?"

Miranda gritted her teeth. "I wish I knew." She contacted Joker, demanding that the Normandy not only come back around to pick them up, but to track the shuttle at once. She had to inform the Illusive Man. She couldn't let Shepard escape. Not after he'd seemingly forgot that the convict attacked him. What would she do without them there?

* * *

Jack's eyes started to flutter, the throbbing of her head bringing her around back to consciousness. The pain was nothing new, and in the grand schemes of things, was more a minor itch than anything else. She rubbed at her eyes as the scene around her started to reveal itself. She was on a shuttle. "The fuck am I?" She groaned.

"Welcome back." Jack glanced up to find the source of the voice. It was him. Cerberus' new toy of torment. "We're on a small shuttle, so I highly suggest-"

Jack moved for him in a flash, but this time, Shepard sensed the movement coming and blocked it as his biotics sprung to life. "This isn't the best place for this."

The woman spat out at him. "Fuck you. You think I'm afraid of dying? I'll tear this shuttle apart if it takes you with me."

Shepard held Jack at bay with his biotics. The prisoner seemed to be confused at why she hadn't overpowered him. Shepard had always been strong bioticly, but since his reconstruction, he'd been an absolute force of nature. Whatever tech Cerberus had put in him, as of yet, he hadn't been stopped by anything he'd come across.

"You're starting to realise that I can keep you here, like this, as long as I like." Shepard's words were stated as a matter of fact which made Jack scowl. "But I'd prefer it if we at least tried to have a conversation."

"I've got nothing to say to you."

"And why is that?" _Make me understand._

Jack narrowed her eyes. "You're a new low, even by Cerberus standards."

"What do you mean?"

"Go fuck yourself."

Shepard let out a sigh. "Look. I've locked out the shuttle. We're drifting right now. You want to kill me, fine. But you're not going to get very far if there's a small part of you that still wants to get out of here alive."

"Yeah, right." Jack sneered. "I saw that ship. You say we're alone? Bullshit."

"It's true. Whether or not you believe me, that's up to you. You want to know how we got here? I just held a gun on the XO of my ship. I just took a shuttle, with us on board, and told them not to follow me. I don't believe they'd listen to that, so I disengaged our transponder signal. They're going to be mighty pissed with me right now, probably more so than you are."

"And why would you do that?"

"For answers. Answers about you, answers about me. You saw something you thought was real. I did the same when I saw you coming out of the cryo. So how about we drop the biotics and figure out what the fuck is going on?"

Jack stared at him, but surprisingly, she stopped her attack and sat back in the shuttle. Shepard wasn't going to drop his guard completely, but at least he knew what to expect. He too dropped his biotics. "So tell me, why am I a new low?"

The convict lipped her lips as she shot of a disinterested glance to anywhere but Shepard's face. "You know why."

"I really don't."

"Yeah? Well, fuck you then. You're a plaything, a test, a punishment. Created to fuck with me, just like always."

"Like always?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"Is this some type of psychology bullshit, or are you just a broken fucking record?" Jack spat out irritated by his line of questions.

"Do you have some sort of history with Cerberus?"

Jack rolled her eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?"

"Alright, alright." Shepard held up a hand. "I take it you don't know who I am."

"I know who you are, puppet."

Shepard sighed. "I mean, really. My name is John Shepard. I'm a SPECTRE, formally of the systems Alliance. Just over two years ago, I helped repelled an attack by a rogue SPECTRE, the Geth and a force called Sovereign-"

"That was you? Shit. I heard." Jack shook her head. "Congratufuckinlations, I guess."

"You can hold the congrats. A month after the battle of the Citadel, my ship was attacked and destroyed. I died in that attack."

Jack scoffed. "Yeah, sure."

"It's true. Cerberus spent two years and a shitload of creds putting me back together. And here I am. I'm working with Cerberus to stop Collector attacks on Human colonies. But I'm not Cerberus and I have no idea about your history with them. You think I like being in bed with those bastards? I don't. I shut down my fair share of Cerberus projects two years ago. But I don't have a choice here. Someone needs to stop the Collectors, and the Alliance, the Council, they're damn sure not stepping up to stop them."

"And what makes you think that Cerberus aren't controlling you, controlling everything you do, eh?" Jack shook her head. "It's right up their alley."

"Well I just held a gun on them and left them hanging, so if there's some sort of recall switch in my head, it's not working."

Jack gazed at him. "Hell of a story. Let's say I believe some of it. Sounds way too out there to be made up on the spot."

"True one at that. So how about we cut the bullshit?" Shepard rubbed his hands together. "This is going to sound crazy, well it would have done, until you mentioned that scar."

"Don't." Jack's voice was full of danger as it lowed in tone. "Don't you talk about him."

"It was here." Shepard rubbed his hand just above his eye where the scar used to be. "Now it's not. Not since they rebuilt me. It's the only thing I'm missing."

Jack followed his hand as it traced along his forehead. She remembered it vividly. Shepard's motion was exact. She shook her head. "No."

"I see darkness in my dreams. I see pain. I see you." Shepard stared at the floor. "I feel it. I've felt it for as long as I can remember. Since I couldn't remember."

"You're not him." Jack's voice was quiet. It was as if she was trying to convince herself. "You can't be him."

Shepard's heart began to beat faster. _Here goes nothing._ "Why do I dream about you, Jack?"

Jack's biotics flared to life. Shepard caught them just in time, blocking the attack. "You're not him! I killed him!" Her eyes filled with rage. "This game ends! Kill me, you cocksucker! Be done with it!"

 _ **She screamed constantly. She doesn't know. We can't see her. Not from the other side. The vents allow me access. I crawl. It's a tight fit. I need to see her. For her to know. I don't hate you, Subject Zero. Her fists are bleeding. I need her to know.**_

Shepard blinked as he was brought back to the present, the visions in his head fading. He was on his back, Jack on top of him with her hands around his throat. She was squeezing the life out of him.

 _ **I need her to know.**_

"It's- going - to - be okay," Shepard managed to get out his words as Jack held her hands around his throat. "It's- going - to - be- fine. I- promise." Shepard felt himself fade before Jack pulled away, scurrying to the other side of the shuttle. Shepard coughed as he felt the release of pressure, his eyes watering as he did so.

 _ **It's going to be okay. It's going to be fine. I promise.**_

 _ **She looks up at me. Her crying stops. The screaming ends. She thinks she's seeing things. That I'm not real. That she's going mad. I hold up a hand. I'm real. You're real. We're here, together.  
**_

 _ **You're not alone.**_

"How do.." Jack shook her head. The biotic was lost. "Why did you say that?"

Shepard rubbed his throat as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I said it." He swallowed. It was difficult. "To you." _In hell._


	3. Chapter 3

Jack shook her head. "No." She did it once more just to add the emphasis as she pointed at Shepard. "Whatever you think, whatever you believe to be true in that fucked up mind of yours, just, it isn't, okay?" Her voice was quiet, reserved, still not recovered from the words that had sent her away and continued Shepard's life. "He's dead. I killed him. Ain't no coming back from dead."

"That's not true. I've done it."

She gritted her teeth. "You say that again like you want a fucking medal or something. And you won't hear what I'm fucking telling you, deadman. You might have been brought back from whatever it was, but that doesn't mean that you're him, okay?" Jack punched the deck of the shuttle. "Cerberus did some Frankenstein shit on you? Well they also warped your mind. Put things in there that aren't true. All just to fuck with me. Those so called memories? Yeah. They're nothing but lies. Lies that it was you. It's not true. Those so called memories belong to someone else."

"You say that," Shepard rubbed his throat. "But I know you recognized me back on the Purgatory."

"Shit well they just made you up to be that way too I guess."

"My records pre-Cerberus prove that to be false, Jack. The information is out there and widely accessible." Shepard tried to push himself further up into a sitting position. Jack flinched, but didn't attack. Shepard took it as a good sign. "You see the Turian back there with me? His name is Garrus Vakarian. He helped me hunt down Saren two years ago. He'll tell you the same thing, same face. Just without the scar."

Jack's eyes drifted up to the location of the scar, but she quickly diverted her gaze in annoyance. "So you're a close resemblance. The perfect patsy to use."

"Or I'm who you think I'm not."

Jack growled. "Stop saying that!" She hugged her arms closely. "I felt his blood on my hands. I saw the light extinguish from his eyes. It's the only time I haven't fed on the thrill. I was sloppy, careless, he-" A lone tear ran down Jack's cheek. She quickly squatted it away, hoping Shepard wouldn't notice. "He told me to live. He told me to-"

 ** _Fight for me, Zee._ **

"Fight."

Jack stared daggers into Shepard. "No more warnings. You do that again and I'll kill us both. You got that vid loaded up in your head, right? All that footage, shifting through it, seeing where it all went wrong." She sneered. "Loaded up everything they needed and put it inside your head."

"I wish it was like that, Jack. All loaded up I mean. You think I want this? I have years missing from my life. I don't know where I came from, who I grew up under, who even made me. And it's always been there. You think Cerberus put this inside my head? I've been having dreams about.." Shepard shook his head as he trailed off. "I don't even know where. Darkness. Cold. Death. And you. If I was some kind of torture method, why make me so flawed?"

Jack seemed to consider it. "To draw me in."

Shepard wasn't convinced. "That doesn't make any sense, you-"

"And why the hell do you even think that I even believe that shit, huh? You could be playing me, pretending not to know the full picture, but really you've got everything planned. Try and guilt me into dropping my guard down-"

"Why!" Shepard yelled, loosing his cool for the first time. "If you think this is true, why do this, huh? Why are 'we' putting you through this?"

"I don't fucking know!" Jack screamed. "Because it's what you do! Because it's who you are!"

Shepard sighed, trying to regain his composure. "There's nothing I can say to you that'll convince you otherwise, is there?"

"No." Jack's answer was firm. "So kill me and be done with it. I'm not letting you take me alive."

"I'm not going to-"

 _ **I need your help. You're the only one.**_

 _ **She looks at me. Her eyes read me as a lie. As fiction. As another test. She won't believe me. That I'm here for her.**_

 _ **I'm just another game.**_

 _ **I'll prove otherwise. I know the times. I know the schedule. Mendes looks out for me. He says one day, he'll take me away from this place. All I have to do is make him happy. To do what he says, when he says it.**_

 _ **He brings her pills. She's exhausted. Easy to force feed. They're relaxed. They don't know I'm here. The blind spot. They think she's talking to God.**_

 _ **Mendes doesn't hear me. Her eyes almost give it away. I snap his neck and he falls to the floor.**_

 _ **She thinks I'm real again now.**_

 _ **But now they know.**_

 ** _We have to go._ **

Shepard blinked, wincing as the images subsided. Jack was staring at him, a raised eyebrow. "You bout to throw up?"

"No." Shepard shook his head. "Where was I?"

"You said that you're not going to... and then you zoned the fuck out." Jack sneered. "Did they not recharge your batteries this morning?"

"I get flashes. You'd call them vid's, I call them memories. They're through my eyes. Not any others." Shepard shook his head. "My first kill, Mendes."

"Oh fuck this shit." Jack launched at Shepard once more but he caught wind of the attack, grabbing her by the throat and throwing her back down. She didn't bring forth her biotics. Jack didn't want to die, not really, despite her arguments to the opposite. "You-"

"I snapped his neck. It was the first time you knew I was real, _Zee_!" Shepard growled and kicked out at the shuttle. "Or was it? Maybe you're right. Maybe everything I know is just a fucking game, a fucking test for you! So tell me, goddammit, tell me where you came from. Make me understand. Tell me why you hate Cerberus so much. Tell me why they'd have put me up for such a mission. Tell me!" Shepard stopped yelling at the look on Jack's face. It was filled with confusion. "What?"

"Zee?" Her voice was hollow. "Zee. You said Zee."

Shepard didn't get the effect it was having on her. "I did, so what?"

Jack gulped. "He.. he never said that out loud. Only twice. Whispered. Out of earshot. Only for me." Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. "Only for me."

Shepard took his chance. He remembered her fear. Her pain. Her guilt. "Fight for me, Zee." _**Fight for me, Zee.** _

Jack's voice continued to waver. "Until I die." **_Until I die_**. She stared at Shepard. "I need you to tell me everything."


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard couldn't stop the wry smile from forming on his face, despite the sincerity of Jack's request. "You going to hear me out? Because if you're going to call bullshit on everything I say-"

Jack gritted her teeth slightly in frustration. Now wasn't the time for jokes. "Just fucking tell me, okay?"

"Okay." Shepard took a breath. This was his chance. He had Jack's ear, at least for now. Maybe, just maybe, it would lead to the answers he'd been seeking for so long. "I don't remember this personally, but they said I was found wandering around an ally in Vancouver. Broken arm in a makeshift sling, a variety of cuts, bruises and broken ribs."

"What did you look like-" Jack interrupted. "I mean, apart from being utterly fucked up?"

"You mean appearance wise?" Shepard motioned to himself with a wave of his hand. "Not much different. Less stubble." He grinned slightly. "Had the shaved head then too." He mindlessly ran a hand across his head. "My hair grew in after a couple of months. Didn't like it too much. Never had it since." Shepard nodded toward Jack. "You?"

"Easier this way."

"Mhm." Shepard agreed. "I remember the hospitals, the tests. They were trying to understand who I was, where I came from, why I was there in the state that I was. I couldn't help them. I knew how to read. I knew how to write. I didn't know who I was though, so I shut down. I couldn't talk to them, because I didn't know how. Time passed, weeks I guess. And then Robert and Angela Shepard showed up. Before I knew it, I was out of the hospital and into their care on Trident." Shepard rubbed his chin. "All happened pretty fast."

"What were they like?"

"The Shepards?" John asked. "Good people. Kind, caring. Still are to this day. I didn't understand it at first. I knew they weren't my real parents, they told me that from the off. But nobody stepped forward to.. claim me. Despite the appeals, despite my face being plastered all over television." Shepard shook his head. "It was as if I came from nowhere. I fought back at first. I was learning how to live and I didn't know any better. But they were strong. They stuck by me. And as time went by, yeah, it became easier. I went to school. I had friends. I had a name, John Shepard. It was my identity, my life. Whatever happened before, that was gone. Or so I thought at least."

Jack was watching him closely. Her words were emotionless as she asked the next question on her mind. "When did you.." She paused, trying to find the correct word. "Remember?"

"I'm not sure." Shepard shook his head slightly. "I was ten when they found me, that's what they told me anyway. I never doubted it. Might have been bullshit. But it's what I've built on. Who knows now? I was dead for two years. I can't even begin to point a finger at how old I'm supposed to be. But I remember being 'thirteen', waking up one night in fear after dreaming about death. It was so vivid. I didn't tell them. I didn't tell anyone. I had no idea how to even begin to word that conversation. So I kept it close. The dreams would come and go. They were mostly the same. Death. Destruction. Blood and screaming." Shepard looked to the floor. "Your face." He sighed. "Then two years ago, things changed. My team and I discovered a Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It.. burned a vision, a warning if you will, into my brain that was left by the Protheans fifty thousand years ago. It's what led to me becoming a SPECTRE, Saren, Sovereign and well, this. But the beacon set something else off inside of me. The dreams were more vivid. Almost nightly."

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

"No." Shepard licked his lips slightly. "There was so much at stake. I couldn't risk the mission. We had to stop Saren before it was too late. Until.. well. I had an Asari on my crew, Liara. She helped me understand the Prothean beacon through a mind-meld which eventually led us to Ilos. But she saw things, flashes of my dreams. She didn't mean to, but, hell, maybe I did it on purpose to finally let someone else in. She said that she'd help me sort through it, maybe even unlock further memories that had been lost." Shepard shrugged. "Then I died."

Jack blinked. "That'd put a stop to things. You and this Asari, you a thing?"

"What, like a couple?" Shepard smiled softly. "No. Nothing like that. We've got a connection for sure, but, no. Liara and I are just friends. Haven't been able to find or contact her since they brought me back. Garrus says she fell off the grid, stopped communicating after about a year. Said she took my death hard." Shepard looked to the ceiling of the shuttle. "I'm told she's dangerous, that's what Cerberus said. They're keeping her away from me, from us, for whatever reason right now. No matter, I'll find her. But once again, there's too much at stake. Can't go running off to-" Shepard paused as the irony sank in. "Can't go running off away from the important mission, eh?"

"Yeah." Jack snorted. "Fucking stupid idea, that."

"But here we are. And that's my story, give or take."

"Here we are." Jack whispered quietly to herself. "Quite a tale."

Shepard sat up a little straighter. "So do you believe me? Think what I'm telling you is true?"

Jack seemed to fight her own tongue as her face screwed up slightly. "Maybe. I.. I don't know. It's all so fucked up. Everything you say, the way you say it? It feels real. It feels familiar. But I killed-" Jack sighed and looked into Shepard's eyes from across the shuttle. "If what you're saying is true, I killed you."

 _That's progress._ Shepard swallowed quickly. "Jack, please, tell me what happened. Tell me where you.. I.. came from. I need to know, whichever way this goes."

Jack stared at Shepard, searching his face seemingly for a sign or a tell, anything that she could grab hold of the prove the man sat across from her to be a phony. But all she could sense was a genuine search for the truth. He was either the greatest actor of all time, or he was simply.. _him_. It went against all of her better judgement as she began to speak once more. "I was raised in a facility run by your friends at Cerberus."

Shepard's eyes widened. "Where?"

Jack almost growled at the interruption. "Hey fucker, this goes both ways alright? Let me talk." Jack let out a breath as she continued. "I don't know where it was. They didn't tell me, and I didn't stop to ask when I hightailed it out of there. The planet was.. green. But I bolted off the surface as soon as I figured out how." She gritted her teeth. "They experimented on me, tortured me, all to make me this. The biotics, that's what they were after. The complete tool of destruction."

She flicked her eyes to Shepard before looking ahead at nothing in particular. "There were other kids there. They were kept away from me except when they forced us to fight. To kill. I tried to split once, managed to get away from a group. Took one of the fuckers down with me but they shut me down before I could make it. Increased the meds. Increased the pain. Years went by. I grew stronger, so they pushed me further. And then one day, I saw someone. Someone in the vents." Jack growled. "I thought I lost the last piece of sanity that I was holding onto. A part of me wanted it to be real. Nobody else listened. So I heard the words that he said. He visited often. Daily. And he'd talk to me. I wouldn't say anything back. They never discovered him. He'd tell me everything would be okay. I'd hang onto those words."

Jack paused, clearing her throat. Shepard wanted to reach out, to reassure, but he knew it wouldn't be a welcome action.

"And then he killed Mendes." Jack licked her lips. "I knew I wasn't imagining him. He offered me his hand. And I took it. I spoke to him for the first time. I told him it was our time to go. He whispered 'okay Zee'. It was the first time I'd been recognized by another. The alarms began to blare a minute later. Chaos erupted. They sent the other kids after us. Some fought back against the guards, picking their moments, but most headed for us. I put them down before they could be in their reach. I was too strong. They accomplished what they set out to do. I had everything." Jack smiled, but it wasn't one of happiness. "It was too much. I found out what I could really do. The power that I had. We ran into three guards. They begged for their lives. I ripped right through them. I loved it. I felt everything. Their pain. Their pleads. Their ends. But as I came out of that moment, I saw him. Bloody, wheezing. I caught him as I destroyed them all. He was dying in front of my eyes. And for the first time, it didn't fill me with warmth." A lone tear began to roll down Jack's cheek. "He told me to run. To live. To be free." Jack let out a breath and quickly began to wipe away the tear. She scowled. "But if it's you.. you survived. We survived." Jack shook her head. "I've lived my entire life angry at the fact that I killed.. you. And here you are. What do I do with that?"

Shepard blinked as he rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. He was stunned, shaken and knocked for six. "I.." The words were hard to find. "I don't know. Everything you've said it's.. hard to take in."

"Try living it." Jack sneered before catching herself. "Shit. I mean-"

"No, no." Shepard held up a hand. "I get it. Whether you truly believe I'm him or not, thank you for telling me. I can see how difficult it's been for you."

"Yeah, well, shit. I feel like I could. Guess that means I'm leaning more one way, than the other, right?" Jack slammed a hand into the deck. "Fuck."

"Yeah, fuck." Shepard rubbed his eyes. "And now we-" He paused as his omni-tool blared. He opened it, finding a message from Garrus. "Surprise it took this long."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Garrus, the Turian. He's concerned about me." Shepard groaned. "God I've fucked this up. And now? How the fuck do I go back? They did this to you? To me?" Shepard followed Jack's lead and slammed his hand into the deck of the shuttle.

"Don't go back." Jack moved onto her knees and closed the gap between them. "Go somewhere else. We'll figure this out." She hesitated slightly. "Or.. you know, something."

"I have to go back. I've got people there, my people. I can't abandon them. The mission I'm on, it's too important."

Jack growled. "They tortured us! You can't play nice with those cocksuckers. What if this was their plan all along? Get us together and bam, they move in?"

"Honestly?" Shepard shrugged. "Maybe once that would have been their plan. But they've invested so much. They could have just left me dead."

"So what, you're going to go back and play happy families?" Jack spat out in disgust.

"No." Shepard gazed at her. "I'm going to go and find answers. Do you trust me, Jack?"

Jack shook her head. "No."

"Oh." Shepard blinked. "Well, er, okay. But do you believe there's even the slightest of chance that I'm who I say I am?"

 _You told me. You know it's me. Even if you can't admit it yet completely._

 _You know._

Jack stared at him and nodded silently. Shepard met the response with a smile as he plotted the next step.

* * *

Miranda Lawson tapped her foot as she waited for the Normandy to dock at Omega. Garrus Vakarian stood by her side. She could feel the Turian's eyes on her, watching, waiting to see what she would do. Miranda didn't know for certain.

It had been a long twenty four hours since Shepard had held a gun on her and disappeared on one of the shuttles. She had expected the Illusive Man to be furious, to call for the project to end, but surprisingly, he was relatively calm about the entire situation. His words mirrored Garrus', noting that Miranda should trust Shepard.

She thought they were both as crazy as Shepard.

"You're making me nervous, Lawson."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "And your lack of concern is troubling, Vakarian."

"Don't doubt my concern. I know John better than anybody here. I know what the man is made of."

"So choking out wardens, holding a gun on teammates and disappearing into the night is a regular occurrence for the Commander? Fantastic. I'll be better prepared in the future."

Garrus tapped his foot. "John will have a good explanation for his actions. He always does."

"We shall see."

As the Normandy's doors opened, Miranda briskly walked off the ship and onto the station. Shepard stood leaning against the wall, pushing himself off when he saw Miranda walking his way. He took a breath and smiled sheepishly towards the Cerberus operative and Garrus.

He was alone.

"Miranda, Garrus. I-" The slap to the face from Miranda stopped any kind of apology that was coming out of his mouth. He rubbed his cheek as Garrus stared in surprise at Miranda's actions. "I deserved that. Want to get in on this, Garrus?"

The Turian shook his head. "No, Shepard."

"You bastard." Miranda almost growled at him. "How dare you. With everything that Cerberus has done for you, for you to pull a stunt like that? If it was up to me, you'd be off this mission."

"That's a fair opinion, Miranda. I too would think along the same lines."

"Then tell me why, damn it! Why risk it all for that criminal. And where even is she?"

Shepard smiled. "I have no intention of hiding what happened, Miranda. I will tell you everything. All you need to do is set-up a meeting. You, Garrus, me and the Illusive Man."

Miranda frowned, not expecting such a request to be made. "All of us?"

"All of us. And then I'll tell you exactly what happened." Shepard set forth towards the Normandy and patted Garrus on the back. "I'm sorry, bud."

"It's okay, Shepard. I'm just glad you're okay." Garrus set into stride besides him.

"Everything been good here?"

The Turian nodded. "Fine. Just concerned, that's all. We kept it quiet. The crew have no idea. You might want to speak to Joker, though."

Miranda watched as the two walked back onto the ship like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She went to join them before remembering a key issue. "Shepard!"

Shepard paused and turned at the shout. "Yes, Miranda?"

"Where's the shuttle?"

"Ah." Shepard shrugged. "We'll have to get a new one I'm afraid."

* * *

Jack dropped both of her bags as soon as she entered the apartment. They were full of new clothes, toiletries and enough food to last her for a week. She wore the matching set of black jeans and a sleeveless shirt along with a leather jacket that she'd brought in the markets of Omega. The items that she'd aquired from the Purgatory had been discarded back on Omega.

The money was for such items was gained by Shepard selling his own shuttle to a black market dealer. He gave her every credit that he received.

Jack whistled as she looked around the apartment. "Damn. Shame it's in the ass end of nowhere." She was currently on the planet Intai'sei, an Alliance colony world in the Argos Rho. There'd been more than enough money for a flight to the planet after being given the location and entrance code by Shepard. He'd assured her that it was safe and that nobody would question her stay while on the planet. The apartment had been won by Shepard in a private bet between the SPECTRE and Alliance Admiral Tadius Ahern while he'd visited a combat simulator on Pinnacle Station. Because of the nature of the bet, both Shepard and Ahern had kept it off the books, with it's location and existence unaware to those in Cerberus. And now, for the time being, Shepard had provided it to Jack while he exacted his plan on the Normandy.

Jack could have gone anywhere. She could have taken the credits and ran to any world, or even stayed on Omega and spent big getting drunk in Afterlife. But she left for Intai-sei. She went because he asked.

Because Jack knew the truth. His truth. It didn't stop Jack's head from spinning, however. If anything, it only made it worse.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" Jack muttered out loud as she opened her new omni-tool. She only had one contact. Jack wanted to message him, to let him know that she'd arrived safely. But instead she waited. Shepard said he'd contact her when the time was right.

And until then, the plan for her was clear. Lay low, stay calm, try not to go crazy and fuck shit up.

 _Easy_.


	5. Chapter 5

Everything was seemingly untouched. Shiny. New. Prone to easy breaks, if she so desired. Right now, she didn't. But the night was still young after all.

Shepard's apartment on Intai'sei had more than enough room for Jack. It had been so long since she had a space of her own that she didn't quite know what to do with herself. The SPECTRE had noted that he'd only visited the house once since winning it in his bet, but if she had any trouble, there'd be an electronic manual on the in-house terminal inside the den. Jack had sneered at his words, scolding him at his lack of faith in her to operate even the most basic of essentials. She'd been in prison, not lived in the forest all her life.

But even Jack had to admit _: Maybe he was right._

Jack's first point of call was the bathroom. She wanted to wash the stench of Afterlife, along with Omega, quickly off her. It'd been a long time since she was able to shower in private, with no prying eyes or hands trying to grasp at her like they'd done on the prison ship. But as she stared at the shower, it was proving to be a harder task than she originally envisioned.

"You kidding me with this shit?" Jack stared at the showerhead above her. There was no unit on the wall that would allow her to activate it. "The hell is the panel?" She gazed around the bathroom. It was larger than most of her past lodgings by itself, even seperate from the rest of the house. There was no sign of any access panel. She threw up her hands. "Why this is-" The shower came to life, shooting down water and almost drenching her brand new clothes. She jumped back. "Shit! Motion start? More money than sense." She reached forward and placed a hand under the water. "Good start I guess. Now how do I make this warmer?" Jack muttered to herself, but as she did, the water that trickled through her fingers did in fact warm up. "Well.. fuck." Jack blinked. "House? You there?"

The home did not respond to her question.

Jack rolled her eyes. "No VI. Just voice activation. Got it." _Who needs manuals. Easy._ Jack walked out of the bathroom and into the master bedroom where she'd left her new bags. She had yet to unpack. She probably wouldn't. Opening a closet, Jack found a series of soft, white towels. She grabbed one and threw it onto the bed, closing the closet as she did so. Jack pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it onto the bed, quickly adding the jeans and panties she'd brought from Omega to the pile. Grabbing the towel, she didn't bother to cover herself as she made her way back to the bathroom.

"Better not be recording this, you fucking perve." Whether the comment was for the non-existent VI or Shepard, Jack didn't elaborate further as she stepped into the shower.

As the heat cascaded down onto her back, Jack lowered her head and took in the pleasure of the warmth that it brought to her aching bones. Her tattooed skin glistened as she tried, unsuccessfully, to wash away the thoughts that had rocked her to her core since meeting Shepard and his team. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as the flood of warmth tried to replace the anguish that had been building inside of her ever since she saw his face on the Purgatory. Instead of trying to stop the tears she raised her head, letting the water flow directly over her face. Jack gasped at first, but quickly adjusted to the sensation.

It had been a long forty eight hours.

 _Fuck that. It's been a long few years. And somehow.. it's you._

Twenty minutes later, Jack stepped out of the shower and pressed the towel to her face. She dried quickly and flung the towel over her shoulder, not bothering to wrap it around herself. She turned back to the still running shower. Jack waved a hand in the same way as she had done to start it, but she only resulted in splashing water back over herself. "Great. Hey, shower? Stop? Off?"

The shower stopped. Jack tilted her head. "Piece of cake."

One hour later, Jack stood outside the house, once again clothed, and took in her surroundings or rather the lack of it. She was isolated. It was unsettling. "There's a million ways they could come." She analysed every point. "Wonder if this fucker has built in lazers."

She checked her omni-tool. There still wasn't a message. Jack gritted her teeth. She hated waiting. She hated not knowing. She hated being in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do.

Except there was one thing she could do. The one thing she was holding back on.

 _Now's the time, you pussy._

Jack stepped back into the house and dumped herself unceremoniously onto the couch. She opened her omni-tool and began to type 'John Shepard'. She wasn't sending him a message, instead choosing to launch an extra-net search for Humanity's first SPECTRE.

There were a lot of hits. A lot of sites. A lot of information.

"Time to find out what you became."

* * *

Miranda tapped her foot as she waited for the Illusive Man to connect to the Normandy's QEC. Shepard and Garrus were still chatting to themselves, both seemingly at ease with the extraordinary situation they'd found themselves in on the Purgatory. She tried to interrupt their flow by clearing her throat. "You realise you haven't told me why we need a new shuttle, Shepard."

Shepard glanced over to her, his conversation with Garrus coming to a halt. "I sold it. Gave the creds to Jack."

"You.." Miranda blinked. She tried to focus and arrange the words so that they made some sort of sense, while trying to keep her face free of emotion. It was proving to be difficult she realised thanks in part to the smirk tugging at the edge of Shepard's lips. That earned him a scowl. Miranda wasn't in the mood to joke around. "You sold Cerberus property. And you gave the credits.. to a criminal?"

Shepard nodded calmly. "I did. Cerberus property. Interesting use of words. Maybe it's fitting here." Before Miranda could have a chance to ask just how it did, the Illusive Man's image winked into life before them. Unlike Shepard & Miranda, not only was it the first time that Garrus had used the QEC to connect to the Illusive Man, it was the first time he'd seen him full stop.

"Commander Shepard." The Illusive Man exhaled, a thin plume of cigarette smoke visible. Shepard wondered how many the man got through a day. "I hope you've had a chance to clear your head. I admit, throwing you into the deep end was not my intention. I can see how things might have been difficult for you."

Miranda scowled slightly, but quickly eliminated the look. Shepard caught it however. "Yeah. Bit of team building and bonding before I threatened to shoot one of your guys, right?" He shrugged. "Had to be done."

"You might think otherwise, but I agree with you, Commander. Your instincts, that's what set you apart. When you said you'd return, I believed your word. Here you stand. It's further proof that Cerberus made the right decision to invest in you." The Illusive Man took a drag of his cigarette and flashed a glance to Garrus. "Mr. Vakarian. I'm pleased that you opted to join our fight against the Collectors. I've already seen why Commander Shepard thinks so highly of you."

Garrus tilted his head slightly. "Has to be done. Shepard's earned my trust. I have his back."

"A trust well placed." The Illusive Man stubbed out his cigarette. Miranda was still silent to Shepard's right. "I imagine you have questions, Commander. Please, the floor is yours."

Shepard raised an eyebrow slightly. "I thought you'd have some questions for me first. I didn't think you'd be overly keen with what I did, even if what if you say is true." He nodded vaguely toward Miranda. "Lawson does."

"I don't doubt that. However I feel any questions we might have will be covered by what you want to say. So please, go on."

"Alright." Shepard licked his lips. _Here goes._ _Remember. Stay calm._ _Always stay calm._ "Jack. You're aware of who she is, correct?"

"I am."

Shepard narrowed his eyes. "And what about me? Do you know who I am?" He could feel Garrus shift uncomfortably to his left at the question. Miranda stayed still, but he could feel her eyes probing him.

"I have my suspicions, yes."

 _Suspicions_. "But no proof?"

The Illusive Man reached for a glass. Shepard couldn't tell what it contained, but he watched as the man swirled it round the glass. "No proof, I'm sorry." The Illusive Man raised the glass to his lips and took a sip.

"I find that hard to believe."

Garrus cleared his throat. "I'm sorry to interrupt, John." The Turian looked apologetic as Shepard turned to his comrade. "But I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Me too." Miranda admitted. "Where are you going with this, Shepard?"

"Okay." Shepard clasped his hands together. "I'll fill in the blanks. Jack was a Cerberus science project. As a child, she was tortured and experimented on as they attempted to enhance her biotic abilities. As you saw on Purgatory, it was a success." Shepard glanced towards the Illusive Man. "Am I wrong?"

The Illusive Man didn't fade under the man's gaze. "No."

Miranda's eyes widened as she turned to look at her boss. Clearly something had touched a nerve. Garrus simply swore under his breath and shook his head. "You tortured children?"

"While what Commander Shepard is saying is true, I will explain. The cell leading that operation went rogue. They hid the truth of what they were undertaking and the barbaric methods of which they were using. Once I was made fully aware of the situation, I immediately shut down the task force and halted their work."

Shepard smirked. "I thought nothing happened without your say."

"I stand by that statement. It has been a long and bloody path to this point. Things have changed over time. They had to change. I kept a close watch on Jack, because I'd hoped that, in time, I'd be able to approach her peacefully. To work with her. To try and heal past damage."

Miranda shook her head. Clearly she was having an issue wrapping her head around the situation. "I.. I don't understand where you fit into all of this, Shepard."

"I believe I was also in the facility."

Garrus gasped. "What?" Miranda raised both of her eyebrows, surprised. The expression on the Illusive Man's face didn't change.

And so Shepard told his story. His truthful story. From everything that he remembered, his visions and dreams, seeing Jack and her recognizing him. He however held back details of his conversation with Jack. That would remain between them.

Shepard chuckled. There was no humour in it. "But of course, there's no proof." He turned his focus back to the Illusive Man.

"I'm sorry to say there's little data left from Pragia, Commander."

"Pragia?"

"The planet where the facility was located. They flushed the systems once the true nature of the facility was discovered." The Illusive Man lit another cigarette. "And of course, the escape. There was not much left to be discovered." He took a drag on the cigarette. "There was nobody left to tell the tale of what happened. Simply one transmission that escaped the facility."

 _"I repeat. Subject Zero is loose! Subject Zero is loose!"_ Shepard heard a man's voice, panicked, yelling as if his life depended on it. Shepard knew it did. The Illusive Man was playing the recording of the transmission. _"We need back-up, get us some damn back-up! Subject Zero and Carter! Both of them. I see them! They're he-"_

The communication cut off. Shepard felt a tug in his heart.

 _Carter? Is that.. am I.._ Shepard tried to pull himself together. To proceed as planned. To not be thrown off. But it was difficult. He had to persevere. He didn't know if he could do it again in such a way. "And I suppose.." Shepard's voice was strong. He approved. "And I suppose the facility is no more?"

"During the escape, the facility was badly damaged. But, no, Commander. It remains on Pragia."

Shepard blinked. "You're shitting me."

"Obviously it has long ceased operation. But yes, the building remains."

 _I have to go there. We have to go there. Will she? I need to. I need to see._ "Where is it?" Shepard didn't mean to sound so desperate in his question.

"I will send Miranda the relevant information." The Illusive Man stubbed out his cigarette and stood for the first time. "Commander Shepard, on behalf of Cerberus, I apologise for what you had to endure. I realise that any trust you might have placed in Cerberus may be gone. I only ask you to remember what's at stake. Why we brought you back. What needs to be done."

It was the first time that Miranda Lawson had ever heard the Illusive Man apologise. She didn't know how to take it.

"If the pieces of the puzzle fit, if I'm.. Carter.." Shepard found it difficult to say the name. He didn't know who that person was. He was John Shepard. It was, truly all he knew. "You tortured me. You tortured Jack. You tortured countless others-"

"It wasn't-"

Shepard held up a hand. "Rogue cell. Yes, I remember. But it was still Cerberus. It was your name attached to those monstrosities. The same name attached to monstrosities that we discovered two years ago. Kahoku-" Shepard's voice started to rise, he could feel the temperature inside of him matching. It wasn't what he wanted.

 _Calm. You have to stay calm._

He could tell Miranda was growing more nervous by the second. Shepard couldn't hurt the Illusive Man. She, however, was in his reach. Garrus wouldn't stop him.

Shepard took a breath and tried to refocus. "But you're not a threat in my way right now, are you?"

"We are not, Commander."

"And Jack?"

The Illusive Man stood with his arms behind his back. "I had the best intentions. I believed she would be an asset in your fight against the Collectors. I never would have guessed-"

"That it was me." Shepard finished off the man's sentence.

The Illusive Man nodded. "Yes. Not until I saw the feed from the Purgatory. I made a leap. I banked on it being correct."

"If you'd have known," Shepard licked his lips and refocused on the image. He felt close enough to grab. To choke. To hurt. "Would you have sent us to Jack?"

"No. Not while there's so much at stake." The Illusive Man answered truthfully.

Shepard respected the honesty. "The Collectors are my target. That hasn't changed. They must be stopped. But we're not done here, understood?"

The threat lingered in the air. The Illusive Man nodded. "Understood, Commander." The connection ended as he disappeared from view, leaving only Garrus, Shepard and Miranda alone as the previously hidden able at the centre of the room started to rise.

Shepard turned to Miranda. "We good, Operative Lawson?"

The woman stared at him. She had questions. So many questions. Not just for him, but for the Illusive Man. She had no idea how to approach either with them. "Yes, Commander. I'll brief you as soon as I've received the information packet. Likewise, I'll requisition a new shuttle." She hesitated slightly. "And the pri... Jack?"

"She's in a safe place."

Miranda nodded. "Very well, Commander." She turned on her heels and walked out of the room, leaving Shepard and Garrus alone.

"Spirits, John. I don't even know.. are you okay?"

Shepard smiled genuinely. "Yeah."

"You sure? You're showing remarkable calm."

"Trust me, Garrus. I'm fucking furious. But what's the use in that? I've got a job to do. I'm going to do it. This is bigger than me, bigger than us." He patted the Turian on the back. "I think it's time we christened the bar on deck three."

"Ah, well.." Garrus semi shrugged. "Last night, I-"

Shepard cut him off with a chuckle. "Then it's time I christen the bar. Drinks on you, Vakarian."

* * *

The Illusive Man placed the call almost immediately after disconnecting with the Normandy. It connected after a couple of seconds. A voice on the other end of the call spoke first. "So?"

"He's aware." The Illusive Man reached for his glass.

The man swore. "Damn it. We always knew this day would come. I only hoped it would be later, after this mess had been sorted out. How was he?"

"Angry, as expected. But professional. Ever the Commander Shepard. You raised him well."

"Yeah. That was all Fiona." The man sounded downcast. "What now, Jack?"

The Illusive Man finished the contents of his glass and placed it back onto the table to his left. "We move forward, Ray. Like always."

He cut the call with Raymond Shepard without another word and leaned back in his chair. The Illusive Man opened his omni-tool and brought up the security footage from Pragia, watching the escape of Subject Zero and Shaun Carter once more with a smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

_**She could feel it pulsating through her bones. The thrill. The power. The desire to crush everything in her path. The escape. Soon she would be free. They were no match for her. They couldn't stop her. They weren't going to stop her. They were all going to fall. She ripped through them as if they were nothing but a slight annoyance. He helped. He wasn't as strong as her. Nobody was as strong as her. But he caught the ones who slipped through her grasp, the ones who tried to run and save themselves from her onslaught.**_

 _ **Nobody was safe.**_

 _ **She had no idea where she was going. But it seemed to be the right way, considering the amount of soon to be corpses they were throwing in their way to try and block their escape. Their last stand. Their final moments. She didn't care for their pleads. How they begged for mercy. Rage filled through her. Everything they'd done to her. Everything they would have done to her if they hadn't broke free. She unleashed it all upon them. Everything they put into her, she gave it right back without any mercy.**_

 _ **And soon there was nothing but silence.**_

 _ **She heard the sound of laughter shortly after. It was hers. It was the first time she'd ever heard it. She'd heard it emerge from those who tortured her, those who made her fight, but this was the sweetest sound she'd ever heard in her short life. It was the sound of victory. Her victory.  
**_

 _ **It ended when she looked for him to share in her joy.**_

 _ **He was on the ground, eyes widened, fear pulsating from his now prone body. Blood poured from his nose, among other places. His badly broken bones offered up nowhere to hide what had happened.**_

 _ **She turned in a shot, trying to find the person who'd put him down. There was nobody else there. It was just the two of them, surrounded by a sea of death.  
**_

 _ **It was her. She'd done it. In a moment of pure unbridled rage, she lost track of who was friend and who was foe.**_

 _ **She dropped to her knees in front of him, trying to pull him to his feet. He screamed. She dropped his hands and backed away. She felt something inside of her that she couldn't describe. That she'd never felt before.  
**_

 _ **It was a feeling worse than all the pain she'd endured in the facility.**_

 _ **He held out his hand. She met it, tentatively. He spoke for the last time, whispered, close as she leant in to catch the words through his ragged breath. He gripped her hand out of fear.  
**_

 _ **"Live. Go... live. Fight.. fight for me, Zee. You have to-"**_

 _ **His eyes close. She screams.**_

Jack sat up sharply, a datapad that was laying on her chest tumbling to the floor. She swore out loud as she wiped the sweat away from her brow. She was still on the couch where she'd originally sat to look for information on Shepard. Clearly at some point she had fallen asleep. It was something she'd wanted to avoid. There was too much information to find out and she didn't want her dreams to remind her of how much she failed him.

She swung her legs off the couch and picked up the datapad that had fallen to the floor. Jack had downloaded files to a blank pad from her omni-tool, it was easier for her to read the droves of information at her fingertips. A picture of Shepard, standing proudly in uniform met her as she looked at the datapad once more. It had been taken years ago. The scar was easily visible. Below it was an eulogy, the story of Earth's hero and his demise. Jack groaned as she pushed herself to her feet. The couch was more comfortable than most beds she'd ever slept on. Yet she felt restless as she tried to stretch out the cobwebs.

A blink of a light from her omni-tool caught her attention. She opened up the notifications and found a message from Shepard.

 **JS** : _Hey. We've got a lot to discuss. I'll be there at 10._

Jack checked the time. It was 9.43.

"Shit."

* * *

Shepard stepped off from the transport and thanked the pilot, exiting at the modest port of Intai'Sei's capital, Thoreau Mesa. He immediately let out a breath as he stepped onto the surface.

"Forgot how hot this place is." He quickly found the rented skycar he'd booked in advance and set off towards the safehouse. He'd only heard from Jack a little over ten minutes prior, a simple 'k' being the only acknowledgement of his impending arrival. It had left Shepard with a whirlwind of new thoughts adding to his already long list during his trip.

 _Is she even here? Did she leave? Am I coming all this way for nothing?_

Shepard was preparing for a fight when he entered Miranda's office, announcing his intention to once again go off grid to visit Jack, having previously not handed over the information of Jack's whereabouts or the existence of the home he'd won on Inta'sei. To his surprise however, the Cerberus operative offered no resistance to the plan. The Normandy was set to stay on Omega to give the crew a few days of rest, having worked non-stop since disembarking for the first time. Garrus, however, decided to stay on board the Normandy, deciding not to risk stepping foot on Omega again so soon after his dramatic rescue. Dr Mordin Solus did return, opting to check in on his assistant Daniel in the medical clinic. Zaeed Massani quickly decided that he'd be spending his time in Afterlife, announcing that he approved of being paid to go drink and oogle Asari dancers.

Miranda however quickly reinforced the point to Zaeed that if he missed call when Shepard returned, he most certainly would be left behind.

Shepard had been given the co-ordinates by Miranda to the facility on Pragia with little else except the recorded call for assistance that the Illusive Man had played for Shepard during their QEC conversation. Shepard had listened to the clip over and over again. He knew there was no information to be taken from it, but the name stuck with him. He wanted to know the truth.

 _Carter_. _That has to be me. I wonder if Jack heard that name before?_

It wasn't long before Shepard had arrived at the home. He parked the car and stepped out into the blazing heat. Quickly jogging across to the door to try and get in the shade, he stopped and entered the access code.

The door did not open.

"Huh." Shepard entered the access code once more. Again, the door didn't open.

 _Ah, yeah. She's changed the locks. Figures. Well I did say she could.  
_

Shepard banged on the door and waited. A few seconds later, the door opened automatically and he stepped inside. Jack was nowhere to be seen. Shepard closed the door behind him. "Jack?"

"Hold your horses." Jack yelled from what Shepard figured to be the bedroom. She stepped out a moment late, pulling a white vest down over her toned midriff. "Hey."

Shepard smiled. It wasn't matched by Jack as she walked into the kitchen. "Hey. You settled in okay?"

"Yeah." Jack grabbed a glass and filled it with water. "Place isn't bad."

"Good. You changed the codes I see."

"Yeah, can't have just anybody stopping by, can I?"

"True enough." Shepard walked further into the room. He was dressed casually, wearing black jeans, with a matching coloured shirt that looked to be a size too small, given how much it hugged Shepard's muscular physique. Jack took a quick glance at his attire before looking away as Shepard placed his pistol carefully onto the kitchen countertop.

"And here I was thinking you lived in that armor." Jack muttered as she took a seat on the couch and turned off the datapad that was still showing a picture of Shepard in uniform.

"Are you kidding, in this heat?" Shepard chuckled. "If we're suddenly attacked by bandits, don't worry, I've got a set stashed here."

Jack frowned. She hadn't seen any of his belongings. "Where?"

"In the safe."

That caught Jack's attention. "There's a safe?"

"Yeah." Shepard nodded.

"Interesting." Jack mused as Shepard rolled his eyes.

"Nothing valuable, so don't rip a part my house trying to find it, will you?" Shepard stepped over to the house console and typed in a passcode. A slice of the floor near the far windows of the room opened, with a shell emerging from below. Shepard approached the black cylinder and held his hand to the sensor, it soon opening outward to reveal a set of armour and a series of weapons. "See?"

Jack shrugged. "Reminds me of that prison statis pod they locked me into."

Shepard blinked. "Ah, shit." He closed up the safe, immediately feeling stupid. "I didn't mean to-"

"Don't worry about it. You said you have something?" Jack pushed the conversation on impatiently as she waited on the couch.

"Yeah." Shepard lowered the safe and approached one of the armchairs. He tried to push past the quick quilt he was feeling from showing Jack the safe. _Gotta be careful._ Shepard took a seat and looked towards Jack. For the first time, she had a look of amusement on her face.

"How pissed were they with you for cutting loose?"

"Miranda wasn't pleased. She was the one on Purgatory, the one-"

Jack interrupted him. "The one with the tits."

"Well, yeah, I guess. I spoke at length with her, Garrus and the Illusive Man." Shepard waited for some sign of recognition from Jack, but the biotic offered nothing in return. "I told them the truth. Asked if the Illusive Man knew who I really was."

"And?"

"He said he had a suspicion when he saw what went down on the Purgatory. No proof though."

"'Course not." Jack spit out. "How utterly fucking convenient."

"Yeah. He said that the facility was run by a Cerberus cell who'd gone rogue. That when he found out about it, he shut the facility down without a second thought."

"Dodging the blame? Sounds like Cerberus. You really believe that he had nothing to do with it?"

Shepard shook his head. "Of course not. It's why we're having this conversation here and not where he can hear us. He's definitely holding stuff back. Seemed pretty truthful, but I've met men like him who could make the hardest lie sound like the easiest truth. He is Cerberus. He was involved. Maybe not to an extent that he knew everything, but he had his finger on the pulse, that I have no doubt. Said that he kept tabs on you because one day, he hoped to offer an olive branch of sorts, to heal some of the hurt of the past."

Jack scoffed. "Asshole. Sure, yeah, let's go out for drinks and you can apologise for the amount of times you cut into me. Sounds fucking great."

"He said that there was little data left from Pragia, that's where the facility was located. You remember anything about it, how you got from there after you escaped?"

"Nah." Jack shook her head. "It's all a blur."

Shepard licked his lips nervously. "You ever hear the name 'Carter'?"

"Carter? No. Why?"

Shepard opened his omni-tool and pressed play on the audio recording. He watched Jack's face as she listened to the call for help. "I think that's me. That I'm this 'Carter' he's talking about."

"I guess. Never got the name. If he knew it, he never told me. Could have been a codename. It's why he was 'Scar'."

 _He. She's still not sure it's me. Or she's just being careful._ "And you Zee. Taken for 'Zero'."

Jack gritted her teeth. "They always made sure to announce me to the other kids. This is for Subject Zero. You fight for Subject Zero. Just to fill their hatred towards me. To try and give them a challenge."

Shepard hesitated. "And we never.."

"No." Jack knew what he was asking. "We never fought." She left the fact that he'd be dead if they had unspoken.

"When did you start going by Jack?"

"After." The answer was short, sweet and told Shepard she was unwilling to elaborate further at this time.

Shepard nodded. "Like I said, the facility was on Pragia." A wry smile formed on Shepard's face. "It's still standing, you know. Even after what happened. The facility still exists."

Jack sneered. "Motherfucker. Couldn't even wipe it from existence after all the shit that went on there? Even though he says he didn't know? Yeah, sure."

"Well, that's the thing. I want to go there."

Jack focussed on Shepard, an eyebrow raised towards him. "You fucking kidding me? You want to go back there?"

"Yeah." Shepard titled his head slightly. "And I want you to come with me."

"Fuck you."

Shepard sighed. He'd pictured such a reaction from her. "Look, I know what I'm asking from you. I know you fought like hell to get out of there. But I need to see it. I need to feel it. It might help put some of the pieces back together for me. And I need you to help me do it."

Jack leaned forward on the couch. "You want me to go back to the Cerberus facility that tortured me, with Cerberus? Are you fucking kidding me with this shit, Shepard? It's like the bad guy from a vid revealing his evil plan to the hero in advance."

"I won't let anything happen to you, Jack. I-"

She cut him off as she stood from the couch and pointed down at him. "Don't make promises you can't keep, asshole." She walked towards the far windows of the apartment and stared into the vast open desert.

Shepard stood and approached her tentatively. She didn't turn at his words. "This isn't going to be easy. But Jack, I need to do this. If there's even a part of you who believes who I'm who I say, you know why I have to do this. Is there anything I can say, anything I can do to get you to come with me?"

Jack turned from the window. "Let me plant a bomb on the surface and dance on the ashes it leaves behind."

Shepard shrugged. "Alright."

She frowned. "Don't mess me around, Shepard."

"I'm not. You want to blow it up? That's fine with me. Let me get what I need and I'll carry the bomb in for you personally. We'll blow that place off the map." Shepard could tell that Jack was picturing it in her head. The flames, the smoke, the crumbling of rubble.

"And what about your new friends, huh? They ain't done it themselves. Can't see them being too happy if we did."

Shepard chuckled quietly. "Cerberus say it's abandoned, right? So where's the harm. Besides, I get the feeling they're going to want to keep me on side going forward."

"Even though you have no intention of leaving those fuckers."

"I'm not with 'those fuckers', Jack. They're giving me the resources to try and stop these Collector attacks. That's it."

"Sure, sure." Jack suddenly smiled. "I've dreamed so much of watching that place burn. It's a tempting offer." The smile disappeared. "No."

Shepard's heart sunk. She'd made up his mind and nothing he could say was going to convince her. Not even the chance to blow the facility sky high. "I see. I'm sorry to hear that, Jack, I really am." He backed up a few steps and turned. "Cerberus won't be coming after you. You're free.. to do whatever it is you wish. Stick around here for as long as you need, okay? I've got to get back to things."

Jack stared at him. She could tell he was hurt. She tried not to care. "Yeah, well, maybe another night."

"Look." Shepard sighed. "I'm just.. I'm glad we found you, okay? I don't know what's going to happen going forward. Where I, my team and I are going.." He shook his head. "There's a good chance we won't make it out of this. But I'm going to give it my all to stop the Collectors, to stop the Reapers.. so that people like you can live freely, Jack. That's all I want. You ever need anything, I'll be here."

"Okay." Jack shrugged. "Thanks for getting me out of prison and all. Try not to die again."

Shepard smiled sadly. "Third time lucky?" He picked up his pistol and turned for the door. "So long, Zee."

Jack felt a flutter in her chest as she watched him leave, but she didn't say a word to try and stop him. Jack simply watched Shepard walk out of the door, and in turn, out of her life.

As the door closed, Jack closed her eyes and pounded on the kitchen counter. "Fuck." She looked at her knuckles as they began to bleed. She pictured Shepard in the facility on Pragia, bleeding, needing her help. But he told her to run. To leave him behind so that she could survive. So that she could live.

She couldn't help him then. But she could now.

 _And then I'll watch it burn._

* * *

Shepard closed the door to the skycar and sighed. "Damn it." He sat for a few minutes in silent, his eyes closed as he tried to organise the thoughts and feelings inside of him. She didn't come into his mind like she had done so many times. It was simply a vast, black space to get lost in.

Opening his eyes, Shepard opened his omni-tool and started writing a message to Miranda. Just as he was about to press send, the passenger side door of his rental car opened. Jack appeared, flinging her two bags into the back and sitting down in the car.

Shepard didn't know what to say as she pulled the door shut. Jack glanced over at him and pointed to the controls. "How about you pick up your jaw and let's get going, yeah? This place is too hot as is."

Shepard smiled as he turned on the car and set forth for the port.


	7. Chapter 7

The journey back to meet up with the Normandy was mostly done in silence. Shepard knew that Jack had made the hard choice in choosing to join him and he didn't want to push it, after all, she could easily leave at a minutes notice. Jack was seemingly content with staring out the windows into the vast open void, choosing not to bring up any topics of conversation. While it wasn't exactly the most comfortable of silences, just having Jack there for it was a welcome one for Shepard.

As the shuttle docked with the Normandy, Shepard turned off the engine and turned to face Jack. "You okay?"

"Yeah." The woman didn't sound overly confident. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Shepard didn't push it. He knew that taking steps onto a Cerberus funded ship was not on the highest of priorities for her. A simple misstep could end up turning deadly. Shepard rose from the pilots chair and made his way over to the door. Unlocking it, he stepped off and onto the shuttle bay once more. He didn't turn to see if Jack was following, he could hear her getting up to join him.

Garrus was waiting as Shepard stepped back onto the Normandy. Shepard had messaged ahead to tell both Garrus and Miranda that Jack had chosen to come along. While Miranda was officially Shepard's number two, Shepard considered Garrus to be on equal footing to the Cerberus operative when it came to Normandy operations. "Shepard, good to see you." He turned his attentions to Jack as she carefully stepped from the shuttle, eyeing up her surroundings. "Jack. Welcome. We haven't had a chance to be formally introduced-"

"That blast was a good way of saying hello."

Garrus tilted his head. "Ah, well, yes but-"

"Relax. It's in the past. You did what you had to do I guess."

Shepard patted Garrus on the back to try and ease his friends concern. "You can trust Garrus, Jack. He's been with me in this since the start."

"I'll make my own decision on that."

"That's fair." Garrus stood up straight. "I appreciate the clean slate. I-"

The sound of the elevator door opening paused Garrus before he could add anything further to the conversation. Miranda stepped off the elevator and made her way across the deck with the same purpose in her step as always. She came to a halt in front of the three of them, standing far enough away from Jack as to give her some space, but not far enough to show that she was intimidated in any way by the presence of the convict on board the Normandy. "Welcome back, Commander." Miranda's tone was as professional as it could be, given the situation. She could feel Jack's eyes burning into her. She ignored them. "Jack, welcome to the Normandy."

"And that'll do it for the welcome speeches." Shepard quickly jumped in before Miranda could go any further. "Look, none of us like this situation, but it has to be done."

Miranda clasped her hands in front of her. "Of course, Commander."

Jack gritted her teeth. "You even try anything and I'll-"

"Jack." Shepard tried to halt the forthcoming tirade. His voice was kind, yet firm. "Please. That goes for all of us." He was surprised that Jack didn't offer a retort as she continued to glare at Miranda in silence.

"We've prepared a room for you, Jack. You can-"

Jack laughed harshly. "No."

Miranda glanced quickly between her and Shepard. "No? I don't understand."

"Where do you sleep?" Jack turned to Shepard, awaiting his answer.

"Er, the loft, at the top of the ship."

Jack nodded. "Right. I'm bunking there." Miranda raised her eyebrow slightly at the comment, but Jack quickly sneered. "Get your mind out of the gutter, bitch. You think I'm going anywhere you fuckers have set up for me? I'm there. Deal with it."

Miranda took the response in her stride, her face clear of emotion. "Very well. Commander?"

Shepard shrugged. He wasn't going to fight it and honestly, he wanted Jack near by. Not only could she potentially reveal more about his past, there was less chance she'd get in any trouble. "Works for me. Lets go."

As Jack and Shepard made their way into the elevator, Garrus and Miranda followed with their eyes until the doors shut behind them.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "She's charming."

Garrus glanced down at the operative. His voice was cold. "Can you blame her?" He stepped away from Miranda and into the shuttle.

Miranda glanced down at the floor and whispered to herself. "No." Composing herself, she once again walked towards the elevator with purpose in her step and waited for it to return.

* * *

Jack followed Shepard as he stepped off the elevator and whistled as they walked through the door of his cabin. "Mansion in the middle of nowhere wasn't enough for you, eh?"

"I wouldn't call that a mansion, but yeah, this is a little too much space. Compared to some of my previous postings, it's like this room is bigger than most of the crew spaces combined." Shepard shook his head. "Make yourself at home. I need to go and do my rounds. You need anything, or you want to come meet the crew?"

"Nah." Jack shook her head. "On both accounts. I won't be sticking around long enough to be making friends with Cerberus."

"Yeah, of course." Shepard blinked. "So you're good?"

"Fine, go. Do whatever it is you do." She waved a hand at the fishtank. "I've got prime time viewing right here."

Shepard smiled. "Okay. I won't be long." He turned and made his way back into the elevator as Jack watched the door close behind him.

"Rich bastard." Jack stepped down the stairs. "Too much to break." She turned to look at the display of ship models. She frowned. "Really?" Shaking her head, she walked to the bed and sat down. "Eugh. Too soft." Jack stood once more and moved past the fish tank. She paused, looking at the display and shot a glance to the feed button. She pressed it once as the tank filled with food, the fish eagerly swimming to meet it. "You're welcome." Jack skipped back up the stairs and lazily rummaged through some papers on Shepard's desk, but there was nothing interesting that caught her attention.

She stopped in front of Shepard's terminal and turned it on. The screen waited for a password. Jack shrugged.

"Let's try..."

 _beefyhero69_

 **Access denied.**

"And I was sure it'd be that." Jack pushed herself away from the desk and looked around. "Time well spent. Fuck it."

Jack pulled the tank top over her head, dropping it to the floor. She quickly followed with the remainder of her clothes and stepped into the bathroom. "Shower on."

Nothing happened. She waved a hand under the shower head. Again, nothing happened.

"Not as advanced eh, you Cerberus fucks?" Jack reached for the knob and turned it on, waiting for the water to heat up before she stepped under the head.

* * *

Shepard exited the elevator, immediately hearing the sound of the shower running as he stepped back inside his cabin. His eyes were drawn to the pile of clothes left lazily outside the door, which fortunately was shut. Shepard cleared his throat. "Jack? I'm back."

"Good for you."

Shepard chuckled quietly as he moved into his cabin. "Yeah." He set a couple of datapads down at his desk and activated his computer. A wry smile formed on his face as he saw the previous access attempt. "No surprise there." Entering his password, he pulled up his chair and sat down.

Three minutes later, Shepard heard not only the shower head turn off, but the curse from the woman inside his bathroom. He frowned. "Everything okay in there?"

"Yeah. You got a towel?"

"Ah. Hold on." Shepard shook his head and stood up. He made his way to the dresser nearby his bed and grabbed one of the towels that was on top. Skipping back up the stairs, he turned around and waved a hand at the door. He felt it open behind him and lobbed the towel in before closing it once more. "Okay?"

"Terrible throw." Jack quickly emerged from the bathroom and stepped past him, the towel wrapped around her. "I expected better."

"Backwards throwing has never been a strong point of mine, I admit." He smiled. "I'll work on it."

"See to it." Jack slumped down onto the couch, the towel hugging close to her. "You need a bar up here."

"There's one downstairs actually, deck three."

"Yeah but it's not up here, is it?" Jack snorted. "Work on that, too."

"I'll never get anything done otherwise."

Jack shrugged. "I'm surprised you do without it."

* * *

Shepard sighed as the heat of the water poured down over his shoulders. He lowered his head as he turned up the heat, gasping slightly as the stream ran down his back and to the floor.

 _Just twelve more hours. Twelve more hours until I see that place, what's left of it anyway._

 _And I'm glad she's here. I don't think I could do this without her._

 _She's.. I don't know. I think she's starting to trust me more. There's something about her, the connection.. I don't know if she feels it too. But it feels right having her with me on this._

"Hey, Shepard?"

Shepard turned off the faucet at the sound of the call. "You need something?"

"Yeah. A drink."

"Okay, hang on." Shepard grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He stepped out the bathroom. "Want me to go.." Shepard paused and frowned. "What?"

Jack's eyes were wide. "Jesus fuck, Shepard. I mean are you built out of goddamn marble?"

Shepard quickly glanced down at his glistening toned abs. "Ah, er, sorry."

Jack laughed. "No need to apologise for that view."

"Ahem." Shepard actually felt the heat rushing to his cheeks. "Let me just get dressed." He went to step back into the bathroom.

"No need to close the door!" Jack called as it quickly shut behind him. She laughed to herself. "Too goddamn easy. Walking on eggshells so much, he'd probably go down in a towel if I asked him too." Her laughter stopped as she stared at the door. _But still. Damn._ Jack quickly shook her head. _Cut that shit out._

* * *

"You really want to do this?" Jack tilted the glass of whisky in her hand. It wasn't her first. She finished it and slammed the glass back down onto the bar. "Still time to back out."

"I have to, Jack. I really do." Shepard drank from his own glass, this time a little slower.

"I know. You're a stubborn bastard."

"I've heard that once or twice before." Shepard flashed a wry smile as he finished off his glass. He tilted the bottle towards Jack as an unspoken question. She nodded, Shepard pouring her another drink. "Thanks for getting into the car with me, Zee." He paused. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I.. don't mind it." Jack admitted. "Never thought I'd say that again." She motioned to her surroundings. "But then again I never thought I'd be in shit like this." Jack took another drink. "You're a man of many names. Commander. John. Shepard." Jack tilted her head. "Carter?" _Scar_. "Which do you prefer?"

Shepard finished off his glass. "I don't know who 'Carter' is. Call me whatever. I don't mind."

"Alright, Bruce."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Bruce?"

"You look like a Bruce."

Shepard chuckled. "Bruce it is." He pushed the bottle away and checked his omni-tool. "We'll be there in eight hours."

Jack sighed. "Right."

"You want to bring the bottle up?"

"Trying to have your wicked way with me, Bruce?" Jack sneered but quickly held up her hand. "I'm pulling your chain, don't get stuffy."

Shepard could tell Jack was nervous. He had the same nerves. He wanted to reach out and squeeze Jack's hand to assure her, but he knew it wouldn't be welcome.

"It's going to be alright, Zee."

Jack looked up at him as she twirled the glass. "Yeah. Just one more, okay?"

Shepard nodded silently and poured them both one more drink.


End file.
